Self-Care vs. Productivity
By: Sara Payne, Magnify Missions Coach
Email: sara@magnifymissions.com
I am terrible at relaxing. It’s true. Just ask my husband. When it’s evening and we’re winding down for the day, I have at least 5-10 items I’m trying to complete before I actually settle down on the couch to watch an episode of anything with him. It takes me a good 30-40 minutes to get ready for bed and then another 30 minutes to fall asleep. He actually just told me yesterday that he’s seen me take 10 minutes worth of bedtime prep and stretch it across an hour. I don’t even really know why it takes me so long, but something about having a whole list of items to complete (take out contacts, brush teeth, floss, shower, lotion, drink of water) feels like drudgery and then takes me longer. Even just writing that list stresses me out and feels like the opposite of relaxing. Why does one have to go through so much work to just lay down in bed? I know I don’t have to do all of that, and I could just lay down, but something inside (my inner voice and one-ness tells me it’s not right if I don't do it ALL). So even going to bed is a chore. It’s Friday night at 10:00pm and what am I doing…typing a blog. To be fair I did just give myself 40 minutes of watching a mindless predictable Christmas movie, but that is a rarity, never the norm.
The Weed of Productivity
I’m not sure when my need or urge to be productive first started to take root, but over the years it has really dug deep and ingrained itself into my life habits. I’m often late not because I have an unawareness of time, but because I have an unrealistic idea and expectation of how much I can accomplish in a given amount of time. The best visual I have for this deep rooted need is the parable of the weeds in Matthew 13: 27-28. “The owner’s servants came to him and said, “Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’ “ ‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.” Somewhere along the way the enemy led me to believe that my value and worth and at one point my salvation was tied to my good works or productivity. I’ve spent many years trying to untangle the truth from that lie. Where it hits me hardest is in the area of my own personal self-care.
People who don’t know how to relax miss out on enjoying life and God’s blessings, and well frankly they’re just missing the point. I know because I am often one of them. This is especially prevalent among missionaries and people in ministry as well. I’ve noticed a similar pattern in the missionaries I work with. There is a need for productivity and doing, and much of it is justified because it’s ‘for the Gospel’. I was reminded of this after facilitating our last Magnify Missions Workshop. One of the key components of our work is to help people develop a Self-Care Plan. The aim of this activity is to get people intentionally centered on what is most important-connection to God, caring for yourself-health, rest, etc. and investing in relationships. People are always ready to dive into what they think is the real work of ministry, but the reality is self-care is part of the real work. If it gets neglected so does the ministry. I was feeling a bit like the pot calling the kettle black as our participants diligently worked on plans for Self-Care, and I realized I don’t have a plan like this in place for my own life.
Get Out of the Kitchen!
In my own defense I did mention that I have a productivity issue, maybe even slight addiction (that makes it sound really bad), but it allows me to get a lot done in life. This means I do have some regular habits and routines for self-care without having fleshed them out in a plan. I am having a quiet time most days of the week. I work out 3-5 times a week. I am disciplined in my eating. I have planned date nights and friend dates. I even recently started doing “Sara Days”, which are one day a month from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM where I am kid free and get to go do whatever I want. Those have been fabulous life-giving days. So I’ve got some good things happening when it comes to self-care, still my default mode is “go, go, go”. I am a Martha who wants to be a Mary. I can literally hear the Brady Bunch, “Martha, Martha, Martha” in my head as I write this. In Luke 10 we meet Martha who was stuck working in the kitchen-prepping, cooking, and probably stoking a hot fire. I can imagine her huffy, stressed, and frustrated, while Mary, her sister, was sitting, not helping her, and instead enjoying the sweet refreshing presence of Jesus. I, like Martha, often can’t find my way out of the kitchen-no literally-I spend so much time there. The reality though is that I often see all of the tasks in front of me-dishes, cooking etc. and I struggle to pause and give myself some space and breathers to connect with myself and Jesus. The point is I don't have an intentional (in writing) plan for self-care, and after coaching people on their own for a year I realized I need one.
At the time I was realizing this, I was also reading All It Takes is a Goal by Jon Acuff. He had an epiphany of his own where he realized how he had missed so many good opportunities and how he was exhausting his energies on activities, people, and experiences that were not life giving to him. He realized he was totally missing his potential and got curious about whether or not other people felt the same way. He did a study and found that “50 percent of people feel that 50 percent of their full potential is untapped. That means half of us are walking around with half-lives”. A half-life? That sounds terrible and not the way I want to live, but something about it struck a chord. What if my need for productivity and inability to relax was actually giving me diminishing returns?
Finding My Best Moments
In All It Takes is a Goal, Jon Acuff encourages you to go through an exercise of Best Moments. I was really challenged by this activity and took some time to complete it myself. As I started working my way through the list, I was thinking, “What defines my “best” moments? Is it productivity or moments when I’m fully present? Such as choosing to read books to my little girl instead of tackling the dishes. Going on a walk outside instead of mindlessly going through aisles of a store to mark off a shopping list. Sometimes my productivity has led to my best moments like training for a half marathon and finishing it in record time. That’s productivity in a specific direction or aimed at a specific goal, and I was processing how that is different than just getting a lot of stuff or menial tasks done. After encouraging you to create your Best Moments list, Acuff runs through three different zones:
1. The Comfort Zone: few responsibilities, expectations are low, easy to exceed, requires nothing of you, no growth
2. The Potential Zone: making steady, joyful progress on a handful of goals you care about
3. The Chaos Zone: too many goals at once, try to change all areas of your life at once.
Acuff writes, “Being a high performer doesn’t automatically make you a high achiever.” Yikes! That wasn’t pleasant to read, and I knew he was right. I can get a lot done in a day without really accomplishing anything that helps me reach my potential or truly enjoy life. As I said earlier, I often forfeit rest or relaxation for activity. I like Acuff’s definition of the potential zone “steady, joyful progress on a handful of goals you care about.” What do I truly care about? Am I even taking the time to enjoy and focus on those things? Or am I so caught up in being productive I’m overlooking what is life- giving to me. For one, if you start big (The Chaos Zone) then you don’t usually achieve any of your goals.
Easy, Middle, & Guaranteed Goals
Acuff encourages a process of building a bank of “wins” by starting with “Easy Goals”. He defines these as goals with “short time frames, obvious first steps, that match your current schedule, and feel like they aren’t enough.” For me this could be: I’m going to read for 10 minutes every night for 3 days/week. Reading helps me relax and it means I’m not bustling around. After winning my easy goal, I would move on to what he defines as a “Middle Goal”. Acuff defines “Middle Goals” as having a 30-90 day time frame, flexible, don’t fail if you miss a day, encourage you to tweak your schedule, and build in patience. An example of this would be I’m going to read 30 minutes every day for 30 days. Middle goals have the potential to lead us to “Guaranteed Goals”. Finally “Guaranteed Goals” are over extended time frames (90 days to a year), are 100% in your control, are easy to measure, force you to be more deliberate, and sound impossible when you share about them.” For me this kind of goal could be reading 12 books in a year. I was seeing how scaffolding my goals for self-care could lead to some changes that would make my life better. I was freshly motivated to set a goal of caring for myself. I know that meant finding life giving moments and creating life giving rhythms, and it wasn’t going to happen without some intentional reflection and a plan. So what was keeping me from it?
Looking to the One Who Knows How to Rest
Isaiah 30:15 states, “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it (emphasis mine)”. Ugh! That’s me. “You would have none of it.” I choose productivity over rest-why? Because somewhere deep in my core I’m still trying to prove my value to God and I guess the world around me. I guess that the best place to be redirected is to look at the example of Christ. Jesus wasn’t concerned with productivity-He knew that rest would lead to the good work He needed to accomplish. In Mark 6:31 He invites his apostles to, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Jesus definitely had goals in mind, but He knew rest was required to get there. He found moments of caring for himself by being in solitude with the Father. It was the rest that enabled Him to stay focused on and accomplish His ultimate goal . As Hebrews 12:2 tells us “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” He came so I could have life abundantly not productively. John 10:10 states, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
The song, Your Work is Happening, by Porter’s Gate reminds me of His work in me,
Slowly, slowly roots will grow to where they find water
Slowly slowly your work is happening here
I have a begun a good work in you and I will finish it
You have begun a good work here and I will finish it
Slowly, slowly roots will grow to where they find water
Slowly slowly your work is happening here
If you’re anything like me, you need these reminders often. It also helps to be intentional about our self-care goals. If you’re looking for a way to get started, I’ve created a free guide to help you out: Self-Care Reflection. As I write this, it’s the Advent season, and I’ve been working through a few devotionals. Just this morning I was reading A.W. Tozer’s From Heaven. I first saw this book at the home of some dear friends who had mentored and taken me in during my father’s battle with brain cancer. They were strong Christ followers, and I knew if they had it, it was worth checking out. Over these past few years, it has become a dear companion in the Christmas season. Today’s particular devotion really resonated with me. Tozer writes, “For always remember this friends, that who a man is is always more important to God than what he does.” May we be increasingly focused on fixing our eyes on Jesus rather than doing more for him.
Sara Payne is first and foremost a beloved child of God. She likes to surround herself with people who love Jesus, be out in nature, work out, cook, and drink delicious cups of coffee. She is married to Ryan, an amazing man who loves Jesus, and also is (in her opinion) a rock star with a band called Attaboy. They have one beautiful little girl named Isabella, who is a joy and delight! Sara’s first job after college was as a missionary serving overseas in Budapest, Hungary. She then transitioned into being a full time English teacher in a PBL school on the south side of Indianapolis, IN. There her mission field was high school students. After getting married, she worked for Magnify Learning as a Branding Manager and PBL facilitator. Since becoming a mama, she now works for Magnify Missions where she is able to combine her love of missions and teaching to serve and coach missionaries around the world.