Leaving a Legacy - Part 2: Dying Well
By: Sara Payne, Magnify Missions Coach
Email: sara@magnifymissions.com
As the dust settles after a loss, you try to pick up the pieces. Normal life seems to have momentarily paused, and as you reenter you try to pick up the familiar rhythms - like cooking, working out, paying bills etc. What got dropped in the midst of the loss, and what needs to get picked back up? You feel as if you should get some more space and time to process it all and reconcile how life will look now that your loved one is gone. As I shared in my last blog, we lost my father-in-law, Papa Payne, last month, and after being in Pennsylvania for 21 of the 29 days in February, we’re finally back home in Indiana. I find myself more relaxed and as a result more exhausted. It’s quieter and there’s less commotion here to distract me from what I’ve been going through, but I am also freer to reflect on all that has happened. I also have a sense of gratitude for walking through an experience where I saw my father-in-law pass with dignity and witnessed him prepare for dying well.
What We Leave Behind
I had been reading Dave Ramsey’s The Legacy Journey in the last month and I had noted that it was quite a timely and appropriate read in light of my life circumstances. I kept seeing ways in which Papa Payne emulated the core values and ideas outlined in the book. In correlation with his principle of the 7 Baby Steps, Dave Ramsey outlines another principle in The Legacy Journey that he calls NOW-THEN-US-THEM. “NOW” is about getting control of your current finances and debt. “THEN” is about preparing for the future-retirement, kids' college, and paying off your house early. The “US” is about building a legacy for your family. Ramsey writes, “ The Bible says, ‘A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children’ (Proverbs 13:22). This isn’t about getting out of a mess; this is about changing your family tree.” Ramsey notes that this is a stage where you’re teaching your children about money and how to manage what God owns wisely. I can see how Papa Payne was intentional about this with his own kids. My husband is an excellent saver, knows how to live on very little, gives generously, and when I met him was living comfortably on less than $20,000 a year. He has often shared stories about his dad teaching him and his siblings how to save, tithe, and give. He witnessed his own father do the same, and has always spoken highly of his father’s money habits and ability to make so little go so far. Those habits carry into our own management of our finances and will impact our children as well. “THEM” is about leaving a legacy that addresses the needs of your community and the world. My father-in-law’s Celebration of Life was a time for me to witness the impact of his legacy on others. There were literally hundreds of people who poured into the church-so many people in fact that they had to add chairs and send people to an overflow room. He loved his community well and while he was generous financially; he was also generous in the giving of his time and talents. He helped cultivate other’s talents and gave them opportunities to shine and become confident in their own abilities.
The Gift of Dying Well
I can attest to what a gift it was to see that my father-in-law both lived and died well. He planned for the future-for his kid’s futures and his wife’s future after he was gone. He gave us a gift not only in how he lived a godly life but also in how well he prepared for all of the details when he was gone. When you are grieving and hurting the last thing you want to be thinking about is planning a funeral or dealing with finances, but those are realities. Dave Ramsey addresses this same point in The Legacy Journey noting that having a will and outlining your wishes spares your children and spouse from hard decisions and possible family conflict. Papa Payne was gracious enough to give us the space and time to truly mourn by taking care of those important details ahead of time. He had a will in place, had organized his important documents, and even planned out his service. We didn’t have to spend time guessing or debating what he would have wanted; he outlined it clearly and all we had to do was execute it. He had intentional conversations with his children and let them know where to find important documents, passwords, and what needed to happen after he was gone. Even in the past few years, he was intentionally cleaning out the attic, the basements, and boxes of items that had accumulated over time. He didn’t leave that to his wife or his kids to deal with. He didn’t avoid dealing with his own mortality, and he was incredibly thoughtful in how he planned for his own passing. Having a plan for dying meant that we could have much more freedom to grieve and just enjoy moments together rather than be faced with lots of decisions and uncertainty about what to do.
How Death Impacts Our Living
Of course as I had a front row seat to witness someone else’s journey of passing, I was naturally reflecting on my own life. I began to think: Am I making an impact? Will I have a legacy to leave my kids and grandchildren? Will I make a difference in my community and the world? Am I living this one life I have been given well? What more can I do? As Ramsey notes, “Your decisions from today forward will affect not only your life but also your entire legacy.” When my own father passed over a decade ago, I was given the gift of seeing time as precious and not guaranteed. It impacted how I did life from that point forward. I chose to take long road trips to visit people I cared about and filled the calendar with intentional gatherings and meals I could share with those I love. That approach flowed over into my marriage, and as a result we planned and took lots of whole family vacations that included our parents, made long trips to visit family for holidays and summers, and created regular space in our lives to host family. I had no idea I’d lose another father only a decade later, but I can say I have no regrets because we invested the time and have so many sweet memories. No amount of money or wealth can give you more time. Papa Payne ended up being financially wealthy and he’ll leave some of that to his kids, but even more so he was relationally rich and that is a legacy I hope to model. In fact a line from one of his favorite movies, It’s a Wonderful Life, speaks to this success. In this well known classic, the character, Clarence the angel, inscribes a book to George Bailey writing, “No man is a failure who has friends.”
Treasure for Eternity
I was struck again by the reality that riches and money can’t prevent us from dying, and that in the end wealth doesn’t equate to a life well-lived. Wealth doesn’t matter unless it’s for God’s glory. There are a lot of things Papa Payne could have left us, but most of all I’m grateful that he left a legacy of faith for his children and community. The only song he requested be played at his service was The Love of God. Here are few verses from it:
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure-
The saints’ and angels’ song.
When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall;
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call;
God’s love, so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race-
The saints’ and angels’ song.
God’s love is truly the greatest gift, and what will stand the test of time. Earthly thrones and kingdoms will fall; wealth will be no more. A life lived loving Jesus and others is the true treasure and legacy we can leave behind.
To begin your own process for leaving a legacy download our resource, Leaving a Legacy - Steps for Dying Well, which outlines steps on how to intentionally prepare for your death and care for your those you leave behind.
Sara Payne is first and foremost a beloved child of God. She likes to surround herself with people who love Jesus, be out in nature, work out, cook, and drink delicious cups of coffee. She is married to Ryan, an amazing man who loves Jesus, and also is (in her opinion) a rock star with a band called Attaboy. They have one beautiful little girl named Isabella, who is a joy and delight! Sara’s first job after college was as a missionary serving overseas in Budapest, Hungary. She then transitioned into being a full time English teacher in a PBL school on the south side of Indianapolis, IN. There her mission field was high school students. After getting married, she worked for Magnify Learning as a Branding Manager and PBL facilitator. Since becoming a mama, she now works for Magnify Missions where she is able to combine her love of missions and teaching to serve and coach missionaries around the world.
