The Power of Perspective
By: Sara Payne, Magnify Missions Coach
Email: sara@magnifymissions.com
I’m in the middle of what some would call the trenches of parenting. Our little girl, Isabella, turned 2 in July, and we began potty training about two weeks ago. I regularly meet with a friend, who is a mama that is much farther along than me. She has a kid in college, two in high school, and one in elementary school. She consistently has great advice and wisdom in the parenting process and having gone through (and survived) this stage with four kids, I trust and respect her insight. She’s reiterated to me many times that this stage of kiddos (ages 1-4) is by far one of the most stressful because you are daily trying to keep them alive. All that being said, as we transitioned into what many people call the “terrible 2’s”, I decided to encounter it with a mindset of the “terrific 2’s”. I had read that phrase in the last year, and I remember thinking that’s how I want to approach this stage. I didn’t want a dark cloud of dread hovering over me as my little girl moved into this next stage. You wouldn’t think that just a little shift and replacement of one word would have such an impact, but it has made a big difference. So far this stage with Isabella has been very fun and pretty terrific. Now let’s be real here, I still have a toddler - she of course loves the word “No”, she has meltdowns, and her emotional range can fly from instant crying into “what’s that?” So she’s normal. I think the reality is that going into this stage and anticipating that it would be good has helped it to be so. Part of what helped me have this perspective was reading the book, The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale earlier this summer. It reiterated this concept on many levels. Peale writes, “It is a pity that people should let themselves be defeated by the problems, cares, and difficulties of human existence, and it is also quite unnecessary.” He goes on to say, “You need be defeated only if you are willing to be.” This struck me as I was getting ready to enter into a new season with our little girl. I didn’t want to enter it with a defeated perspective, thinking “This is going to be hard. This is going to be terrible. I just need to get through this year.” I wanted to look at the time with her as a gift and an opportunity to show her God’s love.
Survival Mode
My husband travels quite a bit with his job, and from a scheduling standpoint, every month looks different. I’m a routine person. I worked nine years as a school teacher. I liked that rhythm and routine - the ebb and flow of the school year. I think I operate at my best when I have a set routine. I found that was true for my students as well. It makes life feel less chaotic and more intentional. During my first two years of marriage I traveled with my husband’s band. I basically exchanged a predictable and even comfortable schedule for a life of not knowing when I was going to eat, what I was going to eat, where I was going to sleep, when I was going to sleep… you get the point. I often tell people it was great for my marriage to travel with him and terrible for me personally. I had panic attacks, my body was a wreck, I got car sick regularly, and I was rather lonely after leaving a decade of community I had built. I had to find ways to cope and survive. It was a relief when I finally went off the road and stayed at home. I went from an unpredictable schedule to routine again- I had solid introverted time, connection with friends, workouts, control over my food and sleep - it was wonderful. Adding a little girl to our family changed the dynamic of my time at home. I went from having my schedule to myself - when Ryan was gone - to single parenting. I started to notice my perspective on Ryan’s periods of travel was one again of survival mode. Instead of having a mindset that even though he was gone my time with Isabella was still good, I was instead mentally counting down the days between his gig and when he would come home. I was thinking, “I can do this for 4 more days, 3 more days, etc.” It was a mental ticking time bomb that would build up until he came home and then restart when he left again. I knew I could be okay on my own, but I was lacking the confidence that it was still good and that it would go well. I was feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and tired. I wasn’t leaning into the Father when it came to my thoughts. Once I realized that this was how I was thinking, I knew I had to pivot. I knew this kind of thinking wasn’t sustainable. I couldn’t keep going from lifeboat to lifeboat, I needed to get on board the ship and redirect its course. I needed to embrace the fact that having a husband that traveled was my normal and not some temporary existence. This is what we had committed to as a family, and I needed to mentally realign with my current reality. In The Power of Positive Thinking, Peale addresses this need, writing, “No other idea is so powerful in developing self-confidence as this simple belief when practiced. To practice it simply affirm, “God is with me; God is helping me; God is guiding me.” Making this mental shift allowed me to see that the Lord was going to provide what I needed when Ryan was gone, and to remember what an incredibly blessed life I have. I've added an addition to that prayer, as I encounter trying times with her. I say, “Lord, please give me what I lack.” I know He has a well of infinite patience, understanding, and grace for her that I sometimes lack and I have to remember He has it for me too. In fact, He offers all that we need, but we so quickly lose sight of that.
Living on the Lifeboat
I see this same kind of survival mode plaguing my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, in their ministries and businesses when it comes to funding. There is a survival or poverty mentality. They see their finances, their lack of support, their waning customer base and think, “How am I going to survive this? What can I do in my situation? What’s the next lifeline I can hold onto before I sink?” They get so used to being underfunded, and they have no vision for being fully funded because they are just trying to live day to day. They don’t do the math or take the time to reflect on what it would take to get out of a financial survival mode and to a place of sustainability. They depend on one or two big donors to help them pull through or they put all of their focus on marketing gimmicks thinking it will provide the results they need. They go from lifeboat to lifeboat. We’ve seen this pattern in every group we’ve worked with. There is a hesitancy in asking or a mindset that keeps people from believing they’ll get what they need. Whether it’s donors or customers - we find the common problem of sticking with the status quo instead of making a plan for growth and giving it all you got. Peale writes, “Everywhere you encounter people who are inwardly afraid, who shrink from life, who suffer from a deep sense of inadequacy and insecurity, who doubt their own powers. Deep within themselves they mistrust their ability to meet responsibilities or to grasp opportunities…Thousands upon thousands go crawling through life on their hands and knees, defeated and afraid.” I've mentioned this before, but this kind of mindset and lifestyle among believers is not acceptable in light of the Gospel. As Hebrews 10:39 notes, “But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” Living in survival mode, which ultimately means living in fear, is not an option for us as believers.
Imagining a Sustainable Future
We have a father who wants to give us good gifts. Matthew 7:11 states, “If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” The problem is that we aren’t asking! We have to begin with a conversation and come to the Father in prayer. The Holy Spirit and His Word are what has to shift our wrong thinking. Peale offers a practice called Prayerize, Picturize, Actualize that I believe provides a helpful approach to this issue. First, we must come to the Father with the challenge or issue. We can’t keep avoiding it or putting it on the back burner. The reality is that it will continue to hover over you like a dark cloud or be a heavy weight that burdens you down. So we must bring our shortage of support or our lack of clients before the Lord. Then we must picture or visualize what it looks like to be fully funded. We do a helpful protocol in our workshops around this concept called The Futures Protocol that we’ve modified to fit our own purposes. We spend some intentional time dreaming about what it would like in your ministry or business to be fully funded. We create space and time for you to imagine what it means for your ministry and business to be sustainable. It’s a simple activity, but it has profound implications and impact on people when they actually take the time to visualize or as Peale calls it, picturize what it actually looks like. After doing this exercise, we had one participant say, “This actually feels real.” That's the last piece of Peale’s process - actualize - it feels real because it actually is. It’s no longer just an idea or far off possibility, you’ve imagined and identified the steps to actually get there and it becomes reality.
Coffee Cup Encouragement
I spend several Thursday mornings each month at a local coffee shop. It’s a few hours of uninterrupted time so I can do some work and have a few quiet moments to myself. This morning my coffee cup had a sleeve with the Scripture, “Be strong and courageous” Joshua 1:9. I loved getting that sweet reminder. In this life that will invariably have interruptions, unexpected challenges, and struggles, that reminder and that image will surely come to mind in the moment I most need it. And on a normal humdrum day, where nothing out of the ordinary happens, I also need that reminder. I need my mind to take it, store it, and shine light on it when those dark moments do come. As Peale notes, “Any fact facing us, however difficult, even seemingly hopeless, is not so important as our attitude toward that fact. How you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it.” Our approach to any challenge must be to first look to the Father and see what he says about it. Jesus says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). We must bring our doubts and fears before him whether it’s the terrible 2’s, the stress of raising the support, or the challenge of growing our business. Our approach determines the outcome. Knowing and connecting to our Father and what He says is true should enable us to be strong and courageous as we encounter whatever life throws at us.
If you’d like some help shifting your own perspective about a challenge you are currently facing, try out this free exercise as a jumpstart: The Power of Perspective.
Sara Payne is first and foremost a beloved child of God. She likes to surround herself with people who love Jesus, be out in nature, work out, cook, and drink delicious cups of coffee. She is married to Ryan, an amazing man who loves Jesus, and also is (in her opinion) a rock star with a band called Attaboy. They have one beautiful little girl named Isabella, who is a joy and delight! Sara’s first job after college was as a missionary serving overseas in Budapest, Hungary. She then transitioned into being a full time English teacher in a PBL school on the south side of Indianapolis, IN. There her mission field was high school students. After getting married, she worked for Magnify Learning as a Branding Manager and PBL facilitator. Since becoming a mama, she now works for Magnify Missions where she is able to combine her love of missions and teaching to serve and coach missionaries and Christian entrepreneurs around the world.
